start stop

Have started several posts and never completed the train of thought, therefore I shall try anew.

Been back in school for over a month now and I am finding a bit of a groove, I guess. More or less feeling a bit more normal with it. The first few weeks were definitely not great. Or even good. I really never thought I would feel so at-sea, so uncomfortable and stupid. Not like an adult, like a child. I never thought it would be a time of muddled frustration and despair and spiritual confusion. But here we are on the far side of a month and it's getting easier. I am definitely still having my moments where my senses are overloading with the general cacophony that is Bible school, but it's becoming more "normal".

Good thing?

Classes are getting more interesting. Definitely an interesting, challenging, and inspiring week looking at texts that have been taken out of context in many different ways and I felt a bit stunned with the realization of how many things I have (and very well still could be) taken for granted were "truths" when in fact they were Biblical concepts taken out of context. More and more I see the danger of generations of church goers like myself who don't know the Bible (really) and don't even know how to read it (really). 

I have been assigned to work on the school's photo site, and regularly post photos of school life on the site. If you want to check it out, here: www.holsby.com. 

I am taking Swedish For Immigrants (I love saying that) once a week for two hours, and although I quite enjoy the class, my language ability is coming so S-L-O-W. I feel so stupid about it. But I like my teacher and the other students (all from the Czech Republic) are very good-humored.

And Christmas things have begun to appear here... I can't believe it's already nearing the time to think about Christmas. It seems as though it could still be March and we're still just "thinking" about moving to Sweden. And here we are. Wearing slippers to ward off the chilly damp and figuring out metric and missing my mommy.

fingers, be quiet

Night comes with a vengeance these days, and with the shortened days the piles of leaves under the trees grow fat. I haven't experienced such a slow, drawn out autumn in years, with the trees turning in stages, first the poplars and the ash, then the birch and maple, and finally the oak, walnut and acorn. I can't stop stopping to enjoy the gorgeousness of the maple, with it's top and edges brilliant red and then gold throughout. I have been slipping out for 'me time' with my camera and trying with all my heart to capture the beauty of fall. 

I am repeatedly reminded of previous experiences here: here I am walking to school again, just as the sun is cutting over the treetops and the grass is stiff, sparkling, and gray with frost. The smell of wet leaves taking me back to my childhood in British Columbia. Feeling like I am reliving church youth group -- oh dear. A hallway of the school kitchen that smells like Liberia, weirdly enough. 

School is more work than I anticipated -- I have memorization, book reports, short papers, and quite a bit of reading all due in the next two weeks. The memorization is the most daunting, as I don't feel I have exercised that part of my brain at all. Admittedly, I am a bit uninspired, as so far I haven't been able to sink my teeth into something I really loved... A lot of things that I didn't really expect as part of Bible school -- "social style" profiles and such. (Yes, yes I know some of you are laughing.) I just want to study the Bible, and I am not even interested in theories outside of what the Bible directly teaches. (For those that care, an example: the theory of "general revelation" and "specific revelation". It's interesting to think about, but ultimately the Bible does not say what a general or specific revelation is, therefore do I need to know it?) And, the jargon! I really, really, do not want to use jargon. Please, if I come out of this sounding like a pompous arse, will someone tell me? 

But it's all a part of the package, and I certainly have enough to think on and work through, even in terms of just the move to Sweden. It will take a long time to adjust, and I have moments where I think will go completely insane. Martin usually hugs me during these moments, and after I have cried on the front of his t-shirt he tells me he loves me. It helps, but to be known is such a lovely thing -- it is to take for granted the gift of being known, until you are unknown.