faded glory

Christmas... Has it lost it's mystery and beauty, carrying only the faded glory of childhood?
This is the first I’ve felt crippled by schedule, by adulthood, by commercialism, by laziness. I struggle internally to maintain that silly happy feeling I used to get when I listened to cheesy Christmas music, wrapped presents, decorated the tree and the lay on the carpet with only the tree lights on, just taking in the beauty.

Maybe it's that so much of me has changed. My surroundings have changed so drastically in the past year I sometimes can't even recognize my own life. Maybe it's that we don't have a Christmas tree. But, it's so expensive to buy, and so depressing to haul it out to the dumpster in January. And it’s only just us two. It would be a lot of work for just two people.

Maybe it's just what happens as you regress into adulthood. You wake up one Christmas and realize it no longer holds magic. It's merely another holiday in a long list of holidays which require shopping and wrapping and cleaning and decorating and cooking and more cleaning and unwrapping and more cleaning and then un-decorating and...

Well, the point is made.

But it doesn't change the sadness I feel that something has flown from me, that child-like supernatural excitement at the lights , the snow, smells and the gifts. It's disappeared and I want it back!

Maybe that's why people have kids. Then, the Christmas joy is given to them vicariously through their own children. I don't know.

Surely, it's my own choice. I can choose to take it all in. To take a moment to bask in the light of the Christmas tree. To go buy a toboggan, and make sure I do at least three runs. To sneak cookies when I think my mom isn't looking. To take special care in wrapping the presents I have bought, even though I wish I could be giving the world, I can't, so I must take time to give what I can.

Making a decision to steal that joy back from cynicism and pessimism would be one of the healthiest conscious decision I could make as an adult.