the disatisfaction makes my back itch. the blinds are half-closed and i don't care if i can't see if the sky is blue or not. my feet barely touch the floor, because my legs are so short. the calendar is about to end and i don't have another to replace it. a mug with the brown water and floating fragments of tea leaf sits on my desk, and i can't seem to keep this plant from dying a slow death.
feeling aimless.
feeling purposeless.
my feet are sweating in cheap plastic shoes. the "happy" paintings aren't happy.
the dissatisfaction makes my back and chest itch.
she told me she might never come back. she always said she would return. another love flown from my reach. i wish i had the guts to tell you all how much i needed you. how much i miss you. it wouldn't help, but i wish i could.
but GOD, i know you are there. i can't feel it, but i tell myself it. i am threatened by despondency, but YOU give me hope.
things will never turn out the way i think they should, but at least YOU know the end result.
i will never be satisfied by people. i will never be satisfied with people. they will always let me down.
nobody's fault but mine. always setting myself up for false hope. nobody's perfect, so why do i always set myself up?
false hope.
tears sting my eyes, but i clutch them back.
there is no pretense with YOU.
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